August 10, 2015

I'm just gonna get straight to it. Sometimes I hate being a missionary. Like when your investigators drop you because their church is in Spanish and they feel more comfortable even though 2 of the 3 hours are in Spanish just for them, or when you go to teach another investigator and their son comes over wearing a shirt with a naked woman hardly covering herself and it's pretty hard to teach any lesson at all and focus on anything else with that in your face, or when you feel terrible because you aren't a perfect missionary, not even close, so every flaw is intensified 100x, or how sometimes you feel that you push people further from Christ because you lose patience or say something stupid and then you lose all desire to go out and find people and teach them because of the fear of making things worse for them not better. So that's how this week was.

I guess I deserved it though. I said a prayer at the beginning of this week, sick of failing and and feeling horrible for doing so all the time, and simply said "Father, please break my heart so that I can be humble and finally change". Didn't think that one would be answered, but the first part certainly was. It didn't have the effect I thought it would or wanted though. Instead of being humble and wanting to improve, I temporarily don't really have desire to even try anymore. I guess that's the part of answering that prayer that's up to me though. 

On a happier note, my new companion and I get along great. He's phenomenal at piano, so it's great to listen to him play at old folks homes and stuff while I get to just relax. He's similar to me in some unique ways, like he seems to get upset over small stuff but isn't actually that upset, he has a strong personality, etc. 

We were able to paint half of Martha's porch this week (well, it's the posts that hold up the add on part of her trailer) but we ran out of time to paint the top bar. She wasn't the one who dropped us, so that was good. We'll finish it another day. We also had a cool lesson with another family where we talked with about 6 people about prophets and other parts of the gospel while we ate some of their 100 ears of corn (they got it free since they work for them) and then had cornbread later. So there were some good parts about this week at least.